During one dark mid-winter I found myself in despair. Uncertain of the energy I was carrying, what was mine? I sat with the energy.

Continuously clearing my own channel, I tried to decipher where the emotional overload came from:

The Rage, the Anger, the Jealousy, the Impostor inside.

Triggers are Teachers

Knowing that we are triggered by our own wounds, our triggers can often serve as the best teachers. Whilst I may carry the energy of others within me, what the energy triggers, is mine.

Rage cannot make me feel rage unless I have rage within me.

The jealousy was triggered by people’s feelings towards me. It was my own jealous wound simmering. This wound was rising to the surface.

The impostor within.  The insecure self. An aspect of the ego which has no authority over the house ( earth body) I reside in.

Impostor syndrome felt as if all of these emotions and feelings had taken up residency. Like tenants in a shared home. One feeling per room. I was constantly going from room to room asking each one to leave, only to find by the time I had kicked out the last tenant, another one had moved back in, and so the cycle continued…

It took me a few weeks to understand what was happening with the energetic shifts. What was rising in the collective. The storm brewing within each of us.

The collective consciousness.

It also took me a while to master my ego and to open my heart. Looking at this from love it was easy to see and just as easy to accept.

When we are vibrating from a place of fear, a friend can soon become foe. I have learned so much from this dark aspect lurking around.

The low vibration becoming more prominent, masking fear with surface smiles. Positive words and phrases filled with passive aggressive undertones.

“Change your thoughts and you change the world.”

Norman Vicent Pale

Fear is not serving us. We cannot continue to smile on the surface end speak words of good wishes whilst internally pushing down inner rage.

When we hold our tongue, we swallow our poison. The venom within each of us will be spat out eventually if we cannot learn to speak our truth.

Speaking from the heart is the only truth that there is. Opening the heart and understanding ‘yes this person is jealous’ but I can still love them. They are me. I am them. I know their feeling; I feel their wound because it is one, I have worked hard on myself.

I Am You, You Are Me

Yes, this person is insecure. I am you and you are me.

Clearing the channel, Raising the vibration. Mastering the ego. This helps to keep the connection to source strong. In that trust, and that knowing, we can create a vibration. A frequency which attracts abundance to us.

However, it does not cure the parasitical energy of the impostor within. The one who grows bigger when the wound of insecurity is triggered.

We can only master the wounds of the self.

As much as we try and we do the work it can be somewhat challenging when we realise, we are surrounded by people who are yet to do this work for themselves. The ego gets irritated, wondering how often it must clear its own channel in order to stomach other people’s energy. At times, it can be agitated, why don’t people want to awaken?

Again, this is challenging for a lot of people. For those who do the work and feel constantly heavy by those who surround them. And for those who want to do the work, who try to do the work. They are equally pulled into their own negative thought processes. They project onto others their jealousy, their insecurity, and the impostor within.

It is perplexing to those who cannot see beyond the physical. How can one have such faith. Such self-belief. A knowing that trusts in spirit entirely. One who surrenders to the divine, who welcomes the pathway regardless of the outcome.  The desires are for the ego and destiny is for the soul.

It can be draining, tiring and at times altogether overwhelming. Often people feel like giving up hope of change. During these phases of learning, growth, death and rebirth, people often reach out and state they are feeling the pull. The pull back to energy work.

Feeling pulled back to something is suggestive that it has been left in the first place.

If we leave our spiritual practices, our self-care practices, similar to how an athlete stops training, it will not be long before the effects begin to show. Understandably people slip back into old habits, old ways and routines.

What we must realise as part of this journey is that nothing changes. You change. The old habits are still there. The negative patterns and routines are still a way of being that you can choose. The thought processes can return. We can pick up negative thoughts and feed them. We can grow them and give them their own life.

We can become consumed by thoughts, the words of others, the routines we are used to, the comfortable bad habits. We can only manage our own thoughts. We have control over our own routines. We have the capability to change our individual habits and routines. We cannot change others.

The only thing there is on this journey, is you.

You are not comparable to any other human being, even though society has taught you to compare yourselves to others as a way of assessing yourself.

 Other people cannot do what you do. Your unique gifts are individual to you. Although other people may share similar gifts, their unique gifts are individual to them. Therefore, there is nothing to fear.  No comparison, no competition, just you, in your world, doing what you do.

When we are not living this way. When we do not feel able to do what we do out there in the world, we often feel trapped. Helpless. We may find ourselves in despair. Self-belief is lowered. Limitations of the self, become a daily occurrence. Expectations are increased and every day it feels like someone, or something has let you down, has not worked out, is not possible.

How do we cure this? Work for the self.

The self-practices, the spiritual practices become a way of life. There is no ‘pulling back’ because one does not leave. The daily practices become part of a daily routines. They are embedded in bad habits. They are opposing the negative thoughts. Contradicting the daily routine until such a time when they synchronize.

They become the way of life.

They encompass your entire belief system.

They are all within you.

©2025ShamanicstudioGrimsby-Anna Pedder